Feminism Is For Everyone

Jan 14, 2009,5:07 PM

uncomfortable...

hey fifers! hope everyone had a great break :)

i was reading this on jezebel.com today, about being made uncomfortable by the men one encounters in everyday situations. at first i thought the blogger (Sadie) was going a bit over-the-top, saying that her friend doesn't want to go back to a corner store because the man working behind-the-counter (whom she thinks is married), says things to her like, 'I've missed your pretty smile,' and 'you haven't been in this week'.

Sadie lost me again when she explained that the comments are examples of "the smaller things you need to guard against, day in and day out, that you can't be too friendly, because it just leaves you...open."

HOWEVER, I was perusing the comments section of the article and there was SO MUCH female solidarity on this issue. SO many women were writing in and agreeing that there have been several situations in which they felt really uncomfortable, and somewhat vulnerable to the most benign comments or compliments.

I wanted to ask if any fifers have experienced this...and what do you think it stems from?

I think maybe our discomfort stems from the very rigid norms established about the level and the extent to which women can be associated with men. It is acceptable to joke with your male peers (but not men much older than you...), and even then, only the ones that you would be okay dating or being friends with. Any deeper or further association can be deemed as dangerous.

Looking back on most of the times that I have been "uncomfortable", the situations were completely harmless. The men whose kindness I rebuked, in all likelihood, were simply extending courtesy in a way that I have been socialized to reject. Not every man who says "you have a beautiful smile" really means, "I want to get into your pants".

Like I said, I understand that this issue resonates with women, especially as we continue our ongoing fight to end domestic violence and rape - our society condemns victims for flirting too much because it is somehow egging on their attackers... but with our anger against these small comments, are we becoming too trigger-happy against men?