Feminism Is For Everyone

May 19, 2008,5:40 PM

feminist parenting!

Since I've been home from college, I've had very little luck finding a full time job so I have ended up babysitting a lot. So here are some feminist parenting/child raising observations I've made (nothing revolutionary):

1. Gendered toys
I took the four year old girl I babysat for last week to McDonalds for lunch and of course she wanted a happy meal. We ate inside so the cashier knew the meal was for a girl. The toys right now are "speed racer" or "hot wheels" or something like that. When I was a little girl, I remember they'd always have the toy race cars AND the mini barbie dolls as happy meal toys at the same time. The girls would usually be given the barbies and the boys were given the cars. But now, speed racer or whatever the brand is called is giving out little mirror cases with a comb inside for the girls (they look like make up powder compact cases). It's black and says "speed racer" in pink on the cover. What's the message here: Girls should be looking pretty at all times, fixing their hair and checking out their reflection in their easily accessible mirror while boys can just play with their race cars and have fun. I don't know if it's really a step up from barbie but at least playing with barbies requires imagination.

2. Sexism and God-talk
My cousin Sabrina (9) goes to a Catholic school. She told me that when her teacher was talking about how boy and girls were created equal, the boys protested and said that boys are better than girls because Jesus was a man. I just did a project on this very topic for my Jewish feminism class last semester and discussed how male gendered notions of God support patriarchy and sexism. I was really upset to hear just how right feminist theologians have been. Solution: Re-imagining God (not as male) and changing the language we use to talk about God.

3. Stay-at-home moms
Stay at home moms really should be paid. They work so hard. I went to my cousin's (who is 4 and adorable) ballet class this morning with my aunt and all the moms there were desperate for babysitters. Taking care of children is really exhausting, especially when you have housework piled on top and little help to do it. One of feminism's greatest remaining tasks is equal parenting. One of the moms I talked to, for example, said her husband is out of the house by 8am and gets home at 10 pm. She has two kids (2 and 4 years old) and has to do everything by herself. I'm also reading (finally) Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters in which author Courtney Martin discusses how this dynamic plays into how parents affect their children's body image. She argues that working dads often seem like the fun and cool parents while the stay at home moms are the strict disciplinarians because dads will bond with their children through food in a way to kind of make up for not being around much. In the mean time, moms are the ones who have to make sure their kids are being healthy and not watching too much tv. My aunt definitely experiences this and is extremely frustrated by it. When it comes to moms who work, often the same dynamic plays out because the mom still takes on the responsibilities that make her seem like the disciplinarian. It'd be cool to hear how families with stay-at-home dads differ or are the same.

4. Moms with body image issues
I also recently joined a gym and since I am currently unemployed, I've been able to go in the middle of the day when mostly only retired people and moms are there. Over hearing their conversations in the locker rooms has been a little depressing. They seem just as body, weight, and image obsessed as my generation. One conversation in particular stood out to me. Mom #1 was saying that she only works out so that she can eat chocolate and food that taste good. She said she even tells her kids that.. "mommy is going to the gym now so she can eat this chocolate later." She said she doesn't care about fitness or stress reducing or anything like that. Mom #2 kept putting herself down, constantly complimenting mom #1's body. Then they talked aboout how they can only lose weight in the arms and legs and have lots of extra skin hanging on their arms and legs because of this. Finally Mom #3 said after having 3 kids, your body changes for the worse but it's worth it (for the kids), which they all then agreed upon.

I recently bought my aunt (a stay at home mom who loves her kids but also loved working) the book Opting In: Having a Child Without Losing Yourself by the super feminist Amy Richards. It's basically about raising children with feminist values. We'll see what she thinks about it...